I know, right?!? That time when I was 19 and that girl gave me five orgasms in the span of a couple hours I was so confused! I mean.. it felt real. All the signs were there, head rush, body tingles, loss of breath, warmth - so much warmth, exhaustion, elation..just, everything I had come to know an orgasm to be! When I finally came around after feeling like I blacked out, panic struck! I looked around, under the blankets, the pillows, the bed.. and to my confusion -no penis!

My friend asked me what I was looking for, “The Real Thing!!” I screamed! I was sure it had to be somewhere, surely I couldn’t have just experienced such pleasure with The Fake Thing(s). 

I tore my room apart, searched every nook and cranny with no luck. But there was one place I hadn’t checked. I looked to my friend, she lay there on the bed, confused and pretty irritated if I’m being honest. Could it be?? Was she hiding it? I had to find out.

I embarked on my search with gusto. Thoroughly exploring any possible place The Real Thing could have gone. Much to my surprise, the harder I looked, the deeper I went the more she seemed to be enjoying herself! In fact, I dare say she had an orgasm or two herself.

Much later when I’d been pushed away and told “No more.” I collapsed on my bed in confusion. She hadn’t been hiding the thing. I stared at my hand and contemplated what had just happened. Could it be?? Could these fingers be The Real Thing? It didn’t make sense - they didn’t look like a penis! I couldn’t be sure, so I promised myself from that day forward I would devote myself to figuring out this great mystery.

It’s been some time since that fateful night, and I’ve yet to find the answers. I have however, found plenty of orgasms. I will continue to “settle” for the good of humanity and report back with any new findings.

Godspeed, Anon.